How to help children develop resiliency
We’ve all heard the analogy of how a butterfly transforms from a caterpillar. The goal is to bring hope to the person struggling: “One day, I’ll be the butterfly.” We think about the wings, the beauty, the freedom. And it’s true that we are all experiencing the process of transformation. But talking about becoming a butterfly often skips over the “becoming” part of the process.
Have you ever seen a butterfly emerge from its cocoon? It’s a struggle. The process takes about 12 hours. This may not seem long, but given a butterfly’s lifespan of two weeks, 12 hours is a significant amount of time.
My family went to a monarch butterfly exhibit a few years ago, and we purchased a cocoon. We were all excited to watch Mozart emerge from his cocoon and become a glorious butterfly.
Mozart did indeed become the glorious butterfly we expected but only after he wrestled to emerge from the cocoon, freeing himself only through a lot of struggle. I wanted to help him along, to perhaps tear the cocoon sac to make it a little easier, a little faster for Mozart.
It was hard to watch him struggle.
But if I had done that, the result would be Mozart being too weak to make it on his own and maybe even unable to fly.
I think this is what we do with our kids. We see them struggling, especially now. We want to help ease their wrestling and struggling. But if we do this for our kids, then they won’t develop the skills and strength they’ll need when they step out into the world as adults.
Instead, parents need to help foster emotional resiliency in their kids. Emotional resilience refers to one's ability to adapt to stressful situations or crises. I believe this is needed now more than ever.
Kids are facing a new online world. School, band lessons, playdates, everything is virtual. Physical connection is limited to immediate family and maybe a COVID circle. Your kids may not know exactly what’s going on with current events depending on their age, but they are feeling the effects of those events. Their schedules and routines are different and may continue to be different for a while yet.
What if the struggle creates strength?
What can we do as parents, educates, and loved ones to foster resilient children?
My heart is burdened for kids, both as a mom and a counselor. To help shoulder the load of this trying time, I’m featuring an amazing team of counselors, writers, and speakers on my podcast this month.
These shows are short, easy to listen to, and will leave you feeling encouraged, educated, and empowered. I know you are working and juggling all the things. I know you want to be the best parent you can be but that you often feel like you’re falling short of the goal. I get it. Me too.
If you haven’t subscribed to Thrive: Mental Health and the Art of Living Free, now is a great time to do so. I’m also working on resources to help you navigate the coming school year, ones that will foster resilience-building skills in both you and your child.
Just like Mozart, I believe we can all emerge from this time stronger and bolder.